This is a saying that my therapist has told me a lot lately. I tend to push lots of things under the rug. Not only that, I tend to focus more on the pain of others that I don’t recognize my own. While it’s important to be empathetic, there is a line that can be crossed where it becomes sort of toxic in a way.
How do you realize you’re crossing that line? The easiest way for me to answer this is when it gets to the point where you’re mid breakdown, but you can’t seem to realize what has triggered it. We’ve all been there. Me, multiple times.
What I’ve realized lately is that is due to the fact that I’ve neglected my feelings in order to help others deal with theirs. How unfair of me is that? How did I even think I was able to help others when I was such a mess myself?
For me specifically- it’s trying to mend the feelings of those that I’ve hurt. Which makes it a little more complicated. I’ve struggled majorly trying to cope with actions of others because I have had the mindset of “well I caused this” or “yeah but I hurt them”. And while it is so important to recognize that and grow from it, it is equally important for me to recognize my feelings through it too.
Not only is it important, it’s necessary. It’s necessary for me to sit back and understand that I can be hurt too. When you do that, you start to get some answers that lead to breakthrough.
Now this is NOT a post to encourage the halfway apologies. This isn’t to encourage the “I’m sorry I did this but _____”. That’s not honoring your feelings or anyone else’s. This is to encourage you to take a step back, get out your feelings by yourself, or with a counselor, or a trusted loved one, and start making those connections. Once the dots start connecting you can start the process of making sure things don’t happen the same way they did before. That is growth.
“The pain that you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that is coming.”
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