How terrifying is that right? To be fully known. Like every part of you, even the things you try to forget about yourself. Whether that be the insecurities you don’t think others see, or the secrets that no one else in the world has been told, or in my case, the complete double life that I had been living, thinking that no one was going to find out. I was already, and still am today, fully known.
Let’s start from the beginning. If I’m going to write about being fully known, I should help you get to know me a little bit. My name is Caroline and I’m a 26 year old who has lived the past 10+ years not knowing myself at all. Throughout those years I have made some decisions that have brought me to where I am today, good and bad. I have gained and lost more than I had hoped for, and I am learning to accept that and let it shape me to be- well you guessed it- fully known.
A glimpse into the bad- I have always struggled with genuine, honest friendships. I’m learning still the answers on why that is, but for as long as I can remember I know I have struggled with them. And not because the friends I have made have caused that, but because I was the “bad” one. I have lied, manipulated, used, and completely taken advantage of people I truly considered and would call my “best friends”. The worst part was it was not because I did not love them, or wanted to be that way. It’s because I did not know how to accept being fully known and accepted for that.
If I’m being honest now I haven’t even used that term before until I met a friend who would always say that and pray for me to feel that. She would always say “Caroline I want you to be fully known by God and His people” or “well we are supposed to be fully known” or anything along those lines. She would say that’s what it’s like to have a true friendship- to be fully known by a friend and loved. Little did she know that while she was giving me that advice, I was far from fully known by her and everyone else in my life. I won’t get into the gritty details, not because I want to leave you hanging, but honestly because I am in the process of gaining some answers and I want to make sure that when I am ready to tell the details that I am open and honest and healed enough to do so. But back to the advice.
Sitting here, in my bed, a few months after being forced to be fully known is when I truly know what she meant by that. I serve a God who has known me from the moment He created me, and I can’t describe the feeling I get when I think about that. It’s overwhelming in every way. To accept the fact that not only am I known, but I’m chosen, fought for, and loved is overwhelming. But overwhelming in the best way possible. I know that I can heal because of that alone. I guess the reason I’m writing this is because if there is anyone else going through not being accepted, or thinking they aren’t in one way or another- you are. You are by the God who created you, and if He longs for you then why wouldn’t anyone else? But most importantly, if He longs for you, you should to. I urge you to want to become fully known by those around you. Take the steps to love yourself so you can learn to accept the love around you. As cliche as that sounds, you simply cannot until you do so. This season I am in now is truly the best season I’ve ever been in. And that is solely due to the fact that I have accepted that my God loves me, and so I love myself enough to allow others to do so. If you’re reading this and think “hey I can relate to that” take a minute and reflect and pray and ask God to reveal ways that you can start to become fully known. I promise you won’t regret it. I certainly do not.
Here are a few Bible verses to help you know who you are in case you have forgotten (:
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come”
- 2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
- Galatians 2:20 (ESV)
“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ”
- Philippians 3:20 (ESV)
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
- Roman’s 8:28 (ESV)
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