If you read my first blog post then maybe you remember me saying that there are major things I found out about my life in recent years, but that God knew all along.
I was named after my aunt, Norma Angelica Bailon. She passed away in 2001. I never knew why I was named after her though…until the age of 22.
At 20 years of age, I made the personal, genuine decision to surrender my life to the Lord. In the following two years the Lord did so much in my life as He poured out His love and truth and completely changed me. Yet, it was in those days that I discovered the poignant truth that my mom tried to abort me and not just once, but on multiple occasions.
I’ll never forget that late night conversation I had with mom in the car outside of a Starbucks at 22 years of age. I cried so much as she shared her story with me and the story of my dad and her attempted abortion of me. My beautiful mother at just 16 years of age went through some really dark days in Mexico as a young girl. Many tears were shed from both our eyes that night as she recalled the painful memories and as I listened to her heartrending words. I can’t go into all the details, but my conception wasn’t a beautiful story. My great grandma didn’t want me, my grandma didn’t want me and my father didn’t want me.
My dad took my mom at just 16 years of age to get the abortion procedure done. My mom says all she remembers is lying there and the doctor doing something and minutes later saying, “OK, there done” and so my mom thought it was done. It wasn’t until a few months later as she was making her way to the United states that she felt me kick. She was about 4 or 5 months pregnant of me at this point. How she didn’t know? I have no clue!? I like to make this part a funny story though, well, because it’s kind of funny. She said I kicked for the very first time as soon as she crossed the border from Mexico to America and I like to tell her all the time, “Mom, that was me jumping with excitement saying, I’m Home!” We just laugh about it.
When she got to the States one of the first things my grandma did was take my mother to the doctor to attempt another abortion. This time the doctor advised her that if she went through with the procedure her own life could be at risk because she was too far along. My auntie encouraged my mom not to go through with it, but to instead allow her to keep me and raise me as her own. But of course when I was born my mom didn’t give me up to her, she did however name me after her. My auntie will always be my second mommy and I miss her deeply. I know one day I’ll get to thank her for fighting for me; for wanting me.
I never met my father. He wasn’t a really good person at all. He was murdered when I was probably 5 or 6 years old. I actually didn’t even see a picture of him until I was 25 years of age. In that year I also found out I had two sisters living on the other side of the world (my mom didn’t know this either). One night my mom came into my room and asked, “Would you like to see a photo of your dad?” I responded in shock, “You have one?!” Growing up I always wanted to know his name and at least see a photo of him just out of curiosity. My mom found a picture of him on my sisters Facebook page. I got really nervous and for some reason chose not to look at the picture that night. I ended up seeing the picture of my dad for the first time a couple weeks later and it was the weirdest thing. I stared intently at the photograph as I thought to myself, “Wow, this person is my dad” and then I just moved on. After all, he is a complete stranger and sad to say, but I can’t even remember his name as I write this.
I know…my 20’s have been one crazy adventure of up’s and downs and finding out things about myself that I never knew- Mainly that I’m Fully Known and Truly Loved 😉
But the reason I chose to share this story is because for me this testimony has become an anchor for my soul. A strong reminder of God’s faithfulness. We live in a world that shouts lies to you about your identity, your value, your purpose and for me this story has a powerful way of bringing me back to God.
When I forget that I have a purpose and that my life really matters I remind myself of this story. When I feel overlooked and forgotten I remind myself that God didn’t overlook me. When I feel so small and insignificant I remind myself that I was significant enough that the Lord protected me and gifted me with life.
I sit here today amazed. I’m amazed at how God is all knowing and all powerful. I’m amazed at the grace of God that has carried me through my life. From conception the enemy had a plan for my life; to steal, kill and destroy, but God had different plans.
I pray that as you read this you are reminded of the greatness of God. I pray you bring to remembrance the testimonies in your own life that remind you that He’s always been with you. With every passing year I realize a bit more about myself, a bit more about God and bit more of what really matters in life.
A wise person once said, “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is man’s all.”
This is man’s all.
Knowing God and being known by God is my biggest purpose in life.
Life may come with pain, loss, regret, and many mistakes, but it also comes with the greatest gifts- joy, forgiveness, laughter, healing, hope, faith and most importantly love.
Life truly is a gift and a beautiful one given to us by the Creator of it. The most beautiful thing is that He can take any life and give us beauty in exchange for our ashes. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, God knows you better than you know yourself. Seek Him and allow Him to reveal to you things you’ve never known. Allow Him to show you who you are and who you’re meant to be. Allow Him to show you how He’s carried you through your entire life and why. If you’re here you have a purpose and your life matters. If you’re here I pray that you realize that life is beautiful. Enjoy it!